Make Imperial Japan Great Again - an exclusive (fake) tell-all interview with Shinzo ABE

(NB - this interview is part of our Agence Fausse Presse series which already featured, among other extremists, KIM Jong-un* and Donald Trump**)

Seoul Village - "Prime Minister ABE, thank you for accepting this interview. To start with, do you prefer Westerners to call you Shinzo ABE, or ABE Shinzo?"

Shinzo ABE: "I don't care, as long as you don't confuse me with Kan ABE: I'm so ashamed by my paternal grandfather, who ruined the reputation of my family. This man was a dangerous peacemonger who dared oppose Hideki TOJO and Imperial Japan militarism. All my life is about clearing my name, the reputation of that side of my family. When you think that his eldest son, my father, had to become a kamikaze to prove to everybody that he was on the (extreme) right side of Japan's history."

SV - 'Your maternal grandfather, on the other hand..."

SA - "Needless to say, Nobusuke KISHI was my hero: a genuine war criminal I could be proud of, and relate to. My visits to Yasukuni, or my congratulations to war criminal memorials pale in comparison to the headstone he dedicated to TOJO and the other fallen war criminals***... what an inspiration for us."

War criminal Kishi would be proud of his Rising GrandSon

SV - "By 'us', you mean Nippon Kaigi."

SA - "Of course. I'm very proud of my brainchild Nippon Kaigi. Nobody thought that a maze of exotic extremist groupuscules could be merged into Japan's dominant political lobby, reuniting hardcore neofascists with Shinto fundamentalists. But in order to achieve that incredible feat, I needed Korea's help."

SV - "Pardon me....?"

SA - "We love it when Korean nationalists hijack history issues. As fellow extremists, we need each other to play a naughty ping pong game and make moderates inaudible. And these guys are very successful at fueling anger from the Korean people, and not anger at us, but anger at Japan in general, which makes it easier for us to say 'look, these people are radicals, they can't see reason, we are the victims in this story. Korean nationalists helped us revive our ailing fascist movements, but at the beginning in 1992, we felt really scared: for the first time, Korean Comfort Women spoke up about what they came through under Imperial Japan rule, for the first time in decades, the less pretty side of our history was exposed to the Western world, and back then, nationalism was kept at bay in Korea so the victims could be heard without any distortion. We really feared that our grip on Japanese society could be loosened. We had to react in order to defend the memory of our beloved war criminals."

SV - "Well you still controlled the political system. The only embryos of apologies were issued by lame duck officials, in personal statements that were not really binding for the nation."

SA - "Yeah. We keep deleting records, and rewriting history in textbooks, but even with our propaganda machine and our control of the local media, it's hard to get rid of the 1993-1994 statements of Yohei Kono and Tomiichi Murayama. At least, we've successfully destroyed press freedom at home, and even made it almost impossible for foreign journalists to expose my ABEIGNomics, or even to mention Nippon Kaigi, but this takes a lot of time and money."

SV - "Money?"

SA - "Do you know how much money we spend every year in advertising and advertorials on CNN and Co? Almost as much as we invest in soft power in South East Asian countries. But these foreign media never cover stories about us, and these countries have yet to seek apologies or reparations for their Comfort Women."

SV - "Well Western audiences certainly know a lot more about judo and Japanese food than about your Moritomo Gakuen scandal, corruption around Tokyo 2020, or the role of yakuzas in the olympics and in the highly controversial Fukushima cleanup..."

SA - "... you can stop here: I get your point, and I don't want foreign or for that matter Japanese audiences to be enlightened about our ABEIGNomics."

SV - "You don't risk much. It's not like in Korea when everybody's on the street as soon as a new scandal pops up."

SA - "Of course, otherwise we would have been kicked out of power decades ago. We're very lucky that Japanese people are not interested in politics, in defending their democracy and their constitution. We're also very lucky that the US didn't purge our political dynasties at the end of WWII, because they needed people like my 'good' granddad Kishi to secure Japan's support during the Cold War."

SV - "Unlike Germany with Nazism, Japan has never been liberated from Imperial Japan".

SA - "Yes, and we want that situation to continue forever. As you well know, Nippon Kaigi's official goal is to restore Imperial Japan as a whole, including militarism and State Shinto, to repel peace treaties and human rights laws, to recenter education around nationalism, to deny war crimes and to reject postwar pacifism by changing the constitution. This can only happen if the Japanese people, who is overwhelmingly pacifist, is kept unaware of the past, and of our agenda for the future."

SV - "Undoing your democracy should be even easier with a man like Donald Trump in the White House."

SA - "Definitely, and not just because Putin is also very pleased if Japan joins his collection of failed democracies. The difference is that we don't need any meddling in our elections."

SV - "Still, Trump is much more powerful than you."

SA - "Don't misread my losing rounds of golf against Donald. If I spend 200% of my time with him flattering his ego, that's way cheaper than spending millions in foreign media. Plus I receive preferred treatments compared to other traditional US allies."


SV - "That's right. Trump asked you only 4 times more money to pay for the US military umbrella, compared to 5 for South Korea."

"#Trump asked #Japan to multiply by 4 its financial contribution to US defense. #ShinzoAbe's (losing) rounds of #golf with #POTUS paid off (#Korea was asked x 5)." (20191116 - twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/1195566482677059584)

SA - "Well Donald learned business from his mobster friends, so I expected this kind of racketing from him. Besides, MOON Jae-in is too weak. He's out of sync in the region because has nothing to do with strongmen like Vladimir, Narendra, Rodrigo, Jong-un, Jinping or me. Still, I see some hope: lately, MOON seems to have learned more than a few tricks from Donald, judging by the way he's handling justice****..."

SV - "Anyway, there is at least one strong Korean leader these days. Will you meet KIM Jong-un?"

SA - "Maybe. I really want to thank him, to tell him to keep up the good job, to keep shooting missiles over our heads. I badly need enemies at the gate, a boogeyman to justify our return to militarism and our destruction of Japan's postwar pacifism. To make fascism relevant in Japan, to Make Imperial Japan Great Again."


Seoul Village 2019
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* see "Exclusive interview with KIM Jong-un - Season III" (2018), "EXCLUSIVE-Second interview with KIM Jong-un" (2017), "Exclusive interview with KIM Jong-un" (2013)
** see "Trump: The Art of the Dealapidation (Exclusive Interview)" (2018)
*** see "The Elusive Independence Day - When will Japan officially proclaim its Independence from Imperial Japan?"
**** see "Moon Landing - The Cheong Wa Dae Curse"