4th exclusive interview with KIM Jong-un - Chollyu time!

Even if eight years have passed since our last meeting*, the Beer Leader remembers me all right, almost choking me with a long, nicotine-laden bear hug. His daughter KIM Ju-ae opts for a quick high-five before returning to her smartphone - probably posting ahout the event on KCNA's latest app Instagrim.

KIM Jong-un: "Welcome back to my lair! See how my beloved daughter, the Morning Star of Korea, has grown into a perfect heir? You know she's already become a Missile General Director? Well from day one I've trained her so well.... she executed her first traitors before she could even walk."

Seoul Village: "How cute... a chip off the old block indeed. Your dynasty's 4G is enjoying a great coverage from your propaganda machine, but I can't see KIM Yo-jong today, and she's always photobombing our interviews from the background... Is she jealous because her niece got the leather jacket she always dreamed of?"

KJU: "Ju-ae wouldn't fit, fat chance.... No, Yo-jong's mission is over: we had to get our people used to a potential leading female figure from the divine bloodline, the time for 4G to grow out of her diapers."

Birds of a leather rule together - KIM 4G with her high fructose sugar daddy

SV: "Ever the gentleman... I also noted how you're trying to counter illegal Hallyu content by developing series shot in a more Hollywood fashion."

KJU: "Yup. We call that Chollyu. We produced very popular series, like 'Camp 14', which I'm sure inspired Squid Game. You know, our whole nation is a big survival game. BTS is also drawing huge crowds here."

SV: "BTS?!?"

KJU: "Yeah. 'Behind The Scenes' is a reality show devoted to torture techniques. Our domestic audiences are literally hooked to it."

SV: "You've also been exporting such niceties as cannon fodder to Russia or missile technologies to Iran."

KJU: "Among others, got that right. And business has been booming even more since the US have embraced the dark side of the force."

SV: "Wow wow, not so fast, the Midterms might put the brakes on your friend Donnie." 

KJU: "Yes, Donald is on the right track, except of course when he's unfairly competing with us. By the way did you see how his dynasty's raking in cryptocurrencies? And they're not even hiding behind hackers and aliases when they demand bribes or ransom or anything. But Trump is not the guy in charge of America. Pete will make sure November will come out just fine."

SV: "Pete? Not Vlad?"

KJU: "Putin showed the way, Thiel perfected it. With this guy, Trump won't even need redistricting. They've got all the data they want on every single citizen, they know what they're thinking because they shape it. Actually I asked him to upgrade our rusty software - can you believe we're still running on Kimchi Analytica 1.0?".  

SV: "So no need for another Trump-Kim summit then?"

KJU: "Not officially. Of course Donald will visit, but essentially on a benchmark tour of our regime: for his ICE facilities naturally, but also for his ballroom, his military parades, his monuments, his dynastic trickle-down economics, and of course his cult of personality..Trump is tired of the French model - doesn't feel personal enough. I was touched by his Trump pin initiative, a nice tribute to our tradition. I also loved his giant portrait on the Department of Justice HQ, a perfect symbol of the abolition of the separation of powers, but Don wants something more long-lasting than a banner."

'#TrumpPresidentialLibrary obviously designed to host a #NorthKorea plenum. #Trump #architecture' (20260331 - @theseoulvillage)

'#MAGA goes #KCNA:' (20250804 - @theseoulvillage)

 

'OMG #KarolineLeavitt is actually going full #RiChunhee!!!' (20260108 - @theseoulvillage)

 SV: "No summit with South Korea either?" 

KJU: "I don't need puppets down South anymore, now that I've got the perfect love triangle around me. When Trump pulls out the troops, Vlad and Jinping will maintain some Mexican standoff. Could get trickier when Putin kicks the bucket though. Russian mobster succession wars can get messy." 

SV: "You're distancing yourself from South Korea at the very moment a good friend rules supreme. LEE Jae-myung sent you money, legalized your propaganda, his unification minister leaked essential intel from the States... and you're still snubbing him?"

KJU: "The more I wait, the more he'll send my way. Besides, he's also busy with his own takeover of justice. Plus I have tests to run and he doesn't like that."

SV: "Nukes?"

KJU: "Our pyrotechnics shows will depend on which part of our catalogue our clients are interested it. It won't be as spectacular, but I'm also developing a lovely new weapon with Pete, Elon, and Vlad: swarms of nano drones. We all need them for our core surveillance and spying activities, but also for surgical removal of political opponents. Much more efficient and discreet than VX or Novichok."

SV: "Are Thiel and Musk also considering this kind of applications?"

KJU: "Which verses of Project 2025 and Dark Enlightenment did you skip?" 

Seoul Village 2026
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* see previous episodes: "Exclusive interview with KIM Jong-un" , "EXCLUSIVE-Second interview with KIM Jong-un", "Exclusive interview with KIM Jong-un - Season III"- Agence Fausse Presse.

Seoul Village Season XVIII

(*NB I was finishing this post when I learned about the Assassination attempt on LEE Jae-myung in Busan - I decided not to alter what I wrote below)

Even if it will only start on February 10 with the lunar new year, happy Year of the Blue Dragon.

We can't tell which flames 2024 will throw at us, but let's wish we won't get too much sabre-rattling from the North (3G KIM Jong-un? 4G KIM Ju-ae a.k.a. Joseon's Morning Star General?), the South (Taiwan strait, East China Sea?). the West (a third front after Eastern Europe and the Middle East?). or even the East (so far, Fumio KISHIDA plays it much smarter and more efficiently than fellow Nippon Kaigi predecessor Shinzo ABE to restore the lobby's Imperial Japan revival dreams).

We know for sure that the new year will bring us critical elections in Korea (April 10) and the US (November 5), and that in both cases, the key issue remains 'will moderate at last manage to get rid of controversial figures that have been undermining democracy and their own parties for years?'

A return of Donald TRUMP would undoubtedly weaken US presence in the region and jeopardize South Korea's security. The lack of courage of moderates within GOP ranks leaves the job of removing this cancer to judges, and should TRUMP make it all the way to the RNC, he would face a struggling Joe BIDEN and get the support of a third candidate likely to siphon a lot of ballots off the incumbent (the inept Robert F. KENNEDY Jr only runs on his name and Republican funds).

Korea can't seem to remove its own destructive cells from both ends of the spectrum, but at least there are signs that moderates are starting to realize that their parties have no future with people like LEE Jun-seok on the right and LEE Jae-myung on the left*. 

Toxic anti-feminist LEE Jun-seok is threatening to found his own party ahead of the elections, and contributed to discourage IHN Yohan/ John LINTON and his short-lived innovation committee supposed to reform an irrelevant PPP.

Korea's own TRUMP, LEE Jae-myung, resists all demands to quit as DP head - like the 45th US president, he only cares about himself and eluding jail. His party courageously accepted to end his impunity but justice, crippled as much as the police by the controversial reforms of YOON Suk-yeol's predecessor, can't reach him, even as deaths linked to the scandals surrounding him keep piling up.

At least, moderates seem to have been gaining some momentum lately. LEE Nak-yon to the left and HAN Dong-hoon to the right, far from being the divisive figures painted as devils by radical media from the opposite sides, are taking the right steps for the future; LEE by taking a moral stand against the DP's controversial leader (at last some hope to restore the values of KIM Dae-jung and ROH Moo-hyuns within the party), HAN by forming a dream team of advisors ticking at least on paper all the relevant boxes to fix the nation's structural divides.

But even before considering any potential presidential face-off for 2017, the unproductive stalemate between an often self-destructive executive power and an assembly controlled by an almost always obstructive opposition must end this coming April. Of course, that may not happen...

Another thing we already know about 2024: Korea will smash its own infamous record low fertility rate, now expected to nosedive down to .62.

A toxic global and local political climate, a toxic climate, period, and toxic tensions at all levels certainly don't help young Koreans (who already struggle to purchase a home) prioritize babies. For the first time this year, more strollers were sold for pets than for kids...

Mainstream media start paying attention to the not so long term consequences for the nation at the economic, social, but also political level - even a stronger than ever K9 unit won't stop tanks at the DMZ.

On one hand, ever more pressure on young Koreans, on the other, already less competition for decent universities... If that could mean down the road less hagwon - budongsan rat race insanity...

Let's talk about mental health, precisely. And not just because the suicide of Parasite actor LEE Sun-kyun ended an already far too tragic year 2023. 'It's okay not to be okay', and to talk about it. So reach out, don't let yourself and others slip down any kind of rabbit hole. And don't judge yourself or them if you or they do. It's a beautiful sign of strength to make a call that can save a life (Korea Suicide Prevention Center: 1393 - Life Line Korea: 1588.9191); it's a sign of great character to keep reading opinions you disagree with. 

We all know peace and love are hard to find, but we all can start by stopping making war at ourselves and each other. And yes, even in the darkest times, we must never forget to laugh. Because humor is all about facing tragedy. And yes again, we must never lose our sense of wonder, because for better or  for worse, life is full of wonder.

Have, literally, a wonderful new year.

UPDATE 202402

Scratch part of that. Days after I wrote these lines, LEE Nak-yon disgraced himself by palling around with the very noxious LEE Jun-seok. A short-lived but damning bromance...

Seoul Village 2024
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KIM Yo-jong - cherchez la femme

We've been flooded with interesting Baekduology updates regarding the women surrounding KIM Jong-un lately - and even before his 40-day 'ankle-management' hiatus (to which we'll return later).

Here's the latest score:

• KJU's ex: HYON Song-wol reappeared last May on local TV, proving that reports of her death were an exaggeration, and suggesting that rumors of her involvement in debauched videos were probably not that trustworthy either. 
• KJU's aunt: a defector says that KIM Kyong-hui committed suicide shortly after the execution of her husband JANG Sung-taek. Her poison: whisky, as usual?
• KJU's wife: RI Sol-ju is not as visible as she used to. Maybe her bling-bling outfits contrast too much with lil' sis' Yo-jong's vintage Baekduwear. Anyway, in this family, giving birth to a potential heir doesn't guarantee anything for the future.
• KJU's daughter: 2 year-old KIM Ju-ae is too small to ride a white horse, hold a notebook, or even study in Switzerland.
• KJU's sister: when KIM Jong-un was under media radar, rumors had it KIM Yo-jong was running the show. She's got the Baekdu bloodline and even the Baekdu clothesline. Newly wed, enjoying new prestigious jobs, and a lot of attention from the propaganda, lil' sis' seems to have become more than just the most politically correct female figure to exhibit these days.

So is KIM Yo-jong the next Dear Leader or just a Cheer Leader? Kim The Fourth or Jang The Second? Let's unhearth a few tweets and links.

Clap along if you feel like Ri Sol-ju's an ambitious girl

Clap along if you feel like Kim Yo-jong's running the show

 *

KIM Jo-young the next Dear Leader of just a Cheer Leader?

KIM Yo-jong's rise mechanically helps Kim The Third become Kim The Elder, a father figure. Not just that isolated brat who got his uncle and aunt removed, not just the potential last ruler of the dynasty.

At this stage, KYJ is not portrayed as a next-in-line. She's in the background, trailing behind, more cheerleading than leading. But at least she's in the picture, unlike poor bro KIM Jong-chul, who anyway has never been the one wearing the trousers in this litter of baby dictators (or holding Uncle Jang at gunpoint?).

Among Kim Jong-un's servile notetakers, his sister Kim Yo-jong (in today's Rodong Sinmun via @pearswick) - 20141127 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/537752025274925056

Yo sista got minista! Kim Jong-un's sister Kim Yo-jong, here in her Kim Jong-il-blue best: "N.K. leader’s sister granted official post" - 20141128 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/538168596174626818

Kim Yo-jong behind her brother Kim Jong-un, looking elsewhere. In North Korea, military first goes with family first - 20140311 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/443200177063460864

Still, in case of emergency, the propaganda can always pull out an old picture where KYJ appears directly at the same level as her dad. Kim Jong-un would need Photoshop to produce this kind of shots:

Kim Yo-jong can not only wear Kim-Jong-il-style clothes, but also ride a white horse Baekdu-style with her dad - 20141128 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/538177527290671104

Meanwhile, in the much more advanced South Korea (where the leader is already the daughter of a dictator), mainstream media are multiplying covers featuring Park Geun-hye in KJUesquely odd photo ops:

In South Korea too, the leader makes all covers smiling in odd photo ops (Park Geun-hye with guitar, with giant screen...) - 20141128 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/538131845364203520

*

 KIM Jo-young: Kim The Fourth of Jang The Second?

KJY conveniently fills many shoes at the same time: aunt Kyong-hui is gone? here's a new female, blue-blood presence - uncle Jang is out? here's someone more trustable who can take care of cash machines. And she's married to authorities, party friendly... If these guys cut a whole branch of the family tree, they made sure the main one filled the gap.

Kim Jong-un's sister (and fellow horse rider) Kim Yeo-jong gets key power-giver post in party: "Kim Jong-un's Sister 'Given Key Party Post'" - 20130722 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/359146697454137345

Baekdu Bank? Kim Jong-un's sister Kim Yeo-jong in charge of currency-earning agencies in Workers Party: "Kim Jong-un's Sister Put in Charge of Regime's Coffers" - 20130114 - twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/422566341132820480

North Korea defector says Kim Jong-un aunt Kim Kyong-hui killed herself ("Defector: Kim Jong Un’s Aunt Killed Herself Last Year"). With which poison? Whisky? - 20141125 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/537535971625947136

Meanwhile, Comrade KimYeo-jong gets first Warholian moments in DPRK propaganda: "Kim Jong-un's Sister Secures Place in Nomenklatura" - 20140310 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/442825248996458496

Aunt Kim Kyong-hui loses seat in parliament, sis Kim Yo-jong's in charge of Kim Jong-un's hairdo, elevator shoes ("Kim Jong-un’s peculiar sister gains prominence") - 20140314 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/444280375129288705

Piggy's sis got married: Kim Jong-un's sister Kim Yeo-jong tied to top North Korea official (Room 39 or security): "Kim Jong-un's sister weds key official"- 20141029 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/527272632672980992

Kim The Fourth? Kim Jong-un's lil' sis' Kim Yo-jong gets North Korea propaganda favors, high profile job (" Young sister of North Korean leader takes senior party post: KCNA" @pearswick) - 20141127 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/537884688371576832

*

Like it or not, for the moment, 'all roads lead to Comrade Kim Yo-jong':

'All roads lead to Comrade Yo Jong', North Korea's new 'princess' ("North Korea's 'princess' moves closer to center of power" by @pearswick) - 20141128 twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/538172764603949056

Seoul Village 2014

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.

A happy event to share? Call "Basketball Diplomacy" Inc.

Following the tradition started last February ("Dennis Rodman in North Korea (live feed)"), here's the live Tweeter feed of The Worm's second coming to DPRK.

By the way: I'm typing this post without my left index, stung by a caterpillar while I was gardening this morning - probably an agent sent by Pyongyang to prevent me from achieving this most vital mission (like Ali, they float like a butterfly, sting like a Bae). Two hours later, the pain has yet to subside.

G2 between #KimJongun and #DennisRodman: rebel hairdo, rebel tattoos, white wine diplomacy pic.twitter.com/OEfOi8ZFrV via @adamcathcart
twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/376145352136462336



#DennisRodman: nothing to declare except cigars and wine from #KimJongun duty free. Couldn't bring #KennethBae (excess bagage). #DPRK
twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/376185835676123136



At least #DennisRodman solved the #Cuba missile crisis (two cigars up in smoke) #DPRK
twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/376186262094225408

#KimJongun-#DennisRodman G2 Summit debriefing, courtesy Dennis - expletive - Rodman http://nyti.ms/167AOLG  #DPRK
twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/376238121412612096

@dennisrodman what? #KimJongun traded to the Los Atomic Leakers? Got an #AirJordan ticket to Chicago for #KennethBae?
twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/376898884817022977

Baby #KimJuae news, a US- #NorthKorea basketball game... next stop for #DennisRodman: Damascus? http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/09/dennis-rodman-north-korea-baby-name …
twitter.com/theseoulvillage/status/376917307026456576

A happy event to share? Call #BasketballDiplomacy: .cigars provided by #KimJongun .public birth announcement by #NBA star #DennisRodman
theseoulvillage/status/376937419389411328

I'll keep you posted about Rodman's trip to Damascus: I can't wait to learn the name of Bashar's new pet canari, and to hear about the organization of a basketball game between the Cigaro Bulls and the Sarindiana Pacers.

Seoul Village 2013
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