Seoul Village: "Thanks for having me again, I hope I'll survive this interview as well".
KIM Jong-un: "It's up to you. Go ahead, make my day."
SV: "... well, I'll then start by congratulating you for your amazing foresight: three years ago, you told me you would get rid of Jong-nam, which you just did, and you envisioned the future of governmental relations with the press through your JDIZ concept."
KJU: "Right. See how Sean Spicer implements Donald Trump's new Journalist Defense Identification Zone? Now that's another YUGE wall all Americans will end up paying for."
SV: "What do you expect from the new Administration in Washington?"
KJU: "I see a 'kindread' spirit, another dangerous malignant narcissist with the potential to blow up the planet. The question is: between the two of us, who will be the first to fulfill his Nero destiny?"
SV: "Wait - your nuclear arsenal is already big enough to destroy the whole planet?"
KJU: "Do you really believe everything Don and I say? Don't you know that our propaganda arm KCNA stands for Kellyanne Conway North Korean Agency? Besides, our WMDs reach far beyond nukes. I love the smell of VX in the morning... "
SV: "I was about to get to this issue. Using Weapons of Mass Destruction in a public space in a supposedly friendly country, how is that supposed to help your push for lifting sanctions?"
KJU: "That was a surgical strike. Here, 'mass destruction' only refers to the overweightness of that ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE."
SV: "KIM Jong-nam was a journalist?"
KJU: "Like Donald, by 'enemy of the people' I mean 'anyone who can expose my personal illegitimacy'. Jong-nam not only came before me in the line of succession, but he also tried to grow even fatter than me. WON'T HAPPEN."
SV: "Are you following South Korean politics?"
KJU: "Of course we are! Vladimir and I have hacked all the candidates. BIGLY."
SV: "And who's your favorite to succeed PARK Geun-hye?"
KJU: "Even with the help of WikiLeaks, our dear LEE Jae-myung will have some problem winning in a truly democratic system: unlike America and North Korea, South Korea doesn't have an electoral college. SAD."
SV: "Looks like you'll have to cope with MOON Jae-in, because BAN Ki-moon is out, and AHN Hee-jung seems too far behind now."
KJU: "Whatever. Anyway, NOT A BAN."
SV: "Last but not least topic..."
KJU: "... CHINA!!!"
SV: "... China yes. How can you recover from their recent tightening on coal imports from North Korea?"
KJU: "No sweat! Donald and I have already started working on bringing back jobs in coal mining, as part of the NATO."
SV: "?!?"
KJU: "NATO, the North Korea - America Treaty Organization. It also includes partnerships in internment camps for migrants. GREAT DEAL."
SV: "While we're at it, how's your Make Army Great Again program doing? Do you still have Songun completely under your belt?"
KJU: "As always - the biggest bowel movement the world has ever seen!"
Seoul Village 2017
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